fuck it all to fuckin hell

well... this is how the day was supposed to be
i was supposed to hang out with this chick, who now i've fallen SOOOO fuckin hard for...
but yeah... but as soon as we met up... "oh... i gotta meet up with aaron at 12"
i was like WTF! but idk... n e ways
we hung out and listened to music and talked... and yeah... things lead to more things and the next thing i know im sucking on her fuckin neck... GRR! my morals were thrown out the window.... fuck i wish i didnt have a good throwing arm...
but yeah... it seems she is just like my ex vicky who also fucked me over... there was a comment going through my head that she had said that should have told me just to leave her and go home...
"this is fun, i love to make out" right then and there i should have got my shit and left, cuz thats one of the reasons that hoe vicky wanted to get with me... she was bored and likes to "make out"

GAWD i feel sooooo damn sorry for that emo kid... i wish i could tell him what he is getting himself into...

after we got done, i reluctantly went to go meet up with aaron... it didnt matter to me, cuz one of my only reasons for living was by my side... fuck... how could i be so fuckin dumb!

so yeah we met up with him... i was fighting the urge to cut him with the blade i hid in my second right pocket... but mediation and meditation helps out alot... also the fact his fuckin bitch ass brother was there made it even worse... the fucker stood my sister up... ive never seen so many tears stream down her face...

fuck i hate being soooo negative, i hate feeling so down about everything. but then why? why does god torment me with all this bull shit?

so yeah after aarons house we all went to the mall, and thats when i found out this chicks plan... she is going to spend the night at lamars house... only to fuck him O_o

man when someone told me that she was a bit of a hoe i should have believed them... i mean shit dude... i fuckin made out with her... and now she wants some other dudes cock!
EVEN MORE!!!! HE IS LIKE AN OLDER BROTHER TO ME! he is one of the only guys i know that i still respect! i mean shit...
and she got on my ass about dating her because it would hurt her friends feelings... WTF MAN!
how the fuck can someone do that... give someone false hopes and then crush them all in less that a second! I MEAN SHIT!

so the day got a little better when i met up with a friend i havent seen in a while... (yes another one of my remaining like idk... 4 friends...) i walked into game stop and i was like "Joey?"
so yeah i hung out with him... and it was pretty chill... aparently he knows about the whole aaron/vicky thing... which surprised me... his words were "thats one scandalus bitch" hahahaha

but yeah then i tried to cheer myself up by playing ddr and trying to force this god forsaken chick to do so as well... but no avail...

so yeah after being quiet for almost an hour i decided just to leave... i couldnt take it anymore, this bitch kept going on and on about lamar... i love the dude as a brother but fuck! i dont wanna here about how much you want his cock or about how you wanna kiss his "black people lips" as she put it...

so yeah i hopped on the trolley and left... i was pissed... and my mind wasnt too clear... i decided to skate from city college to 12th to let some steam out... but yeah didnt notice traffic and almost died 4 times... i wish a car would have hit me...

i caught the four bus and went home... now i hold a razor blade in my hand and idk what to do with it... ARGH!

the quote for today is a song by paramore... and one of the fuckin songs this chick just so happened to play... DAMMIT this one line has been going through my head

"Thats what you get, when you let your heart win"

good day all... and good night

"good" morning

so yeah i havent slept since the last post...
i was anticipating something, but thats all for naught....
i started getting ready at about 7 or so and finished 30 minutes later so i was ready to meet up with someone for a early hang out at 10...
so there i was staring at the ceiling for a a good hour or so, waiting for a text from "this person"
only to find out that ive been stood up AGAIN! GODDAMMITSHIT!!!
why do i set myself up only to be knocked down by those i care for? maybe im just a glutton for punishment... idk... so now im sitting here in the early hours of the day
-teeth brushed
-hair combed (yes i do that)
-axe and deodorant on
-clothes all fixed up and tidy

and for what... nothing... i saw the first ray of light and there was a smile on my face, and now that the sun is high and shining, a frown is all that shows...
how can this one love someone who treats them like shit?
argh i can never figure it out... infatuation and defeat are fuckin pills im gonna have to learn to swallow.... gah... i guess now i can draw a bit, cant really work on homework considering crissy has my book and she is gone for the day, ugh... this would be a wee bit better if my sister were still here....

Dragons Swords and Diet Coke

well lets see... this day started off a little hectic i woke up and i had to do sooooo much stuff i was stressed out of my mind, but i still kept a smile on my face :D
my back pack weighed at least 14 pounds because i had a whole bunch of stuff to give to my mother that my sister forgot to give to her before she left... but it was ok i had a bright smile on my face :D

so now i head to monarch to request the span-man (Mr. Spanias) for help... i get my help and then im off to city college for my math class, tonight was fun... and i was totally thrown off... it seems that the clocks battery died and it was stuck on like 3 o clock or something... idk why i kept glancing at it... just impulse i think...

oh yeah before class i met up with cassie and picked up marrissa on the way hahaha yay i wasnt alone WOOT! but it seems two people who i didnt really want to see together were together along with bunny aka marrissa... a certain owl was perched on a certain hedgehogs arm... grr... i was soooo mad but i still held a nice panda like grin on my face :D

i mean gawd, the owl said that it couldnt hang because of something, but wow... i got stood up because of a hedgehog! WOW! hahaha this reminds me of a certain neko (kitty) that i used to adore who did the same thing... hm.... life really is repetitive dontchathink?

anyways after class we, orochimaru-sama (cassie) bunny (marrissa) and i (panda), met up and ventured home...

i finally got to ask bunny how her trip to the wilderness went and yay! no she did not come back buff as hell thank god!!!!
i hugged her goodbye and she got off.... then i was talking to orochimaru hahahaha
man there was this fly that kept bugging her, no pun intended.
it was flying around her face and almost went up her nose and in her mouth hahahahaha!
well... after clowning around with her she got off and i was all alone, it always leads to that with me... but still i have my happy face to lighten things :D

i skated home and grabbed some jello, applesause, and some apple juice and now i was set for a good night...

quote of the day

song: Shoujo S
artist: Scandal

anataga ga inai toriai atteieru wagamama
aijou yuujou shiritai koto wa nandemo!

i wanna hold you when you're gone. im selfish like that
i wanna know what love and true friendship mean!

sorry dont have the kanji off hand D:

I just dont get it

so yeah... today was a bit hectic (did i even spell that right...)
i woke up and i was in "im-gonna-run-to-city-college-and-get-all-my-books-because-im-feeling-very-very-cheerful-because-i-feel-like-im-in-love-and-nothing-can-change-that" kind of mood today.
well goya (my sister letty's mom) decides to try to kill two birds with one stone and goya, letty and i go on our hunt for books... sounds pretty cool right hahaha

well we get there and i forgot i still needed to get my ID and letty still needed to get another ID cuz she lost hers...
so we got that covered and then we went to the book store to get the books that we "journeyed" out to get... (while on the phone with patricia she called this an adventure but letty said adventures are supposed to be fun and so she called it a journey LOL)

so we stood in line for almost an hour, talked to people and letty mistook a block of molding clay for cheese! thank god she didnt go eat it...

well yeah when we finally got to the register we find out that our financial aid money didnt come in so we couldnt get out books D: (but goya some how got them later in the day YAY!)

anyways.. im feeling quite cheery at this point and i decide to text a certain someone (wont say names)

well she was bored and was reading naruto at borders (bored-ers LOL)
which i found interesting, but naruto has claimed another soul hahaha XD

so yeah we are talking and i am convinced that i will be able to see this special someone tomorrow... but... then plans pop out of no where and nope it was too good to be true.
something that always happens to me: i cancel plans to do something i enjoy and someone fucks it up....

but its ok, im still going to bed with a smile on my face :D

oh and since the person who told me to start this is posting a picture everyday (inventive, yes?)
i will be putting up a quote nearly everyday that basically defines my mood or just something from a song i enjoy (if its in japanese feel free to translate it, and if that doesnt work... idk... hehehe)

quote of the day

song: Strength
Artist: Abingdon Boys School (awesome band)

鼓動の奥にかざす願いを
定めというなら
残された記憶となくした君の
面影が今も置き去りのまま

kodou no oku ni kazasu negai wo sadame to iu nara
nokosareta kioku to nakushita kimi no
omokage ga ima mo okizari no mama

Hoping to make up, I've been
searching for you in depressing places.
When our fingers made contact
the only thing that was shattered was my solitude.